I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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