OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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