shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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