Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
