and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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