Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
