I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize