Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
