And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
