Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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