She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
