wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
