Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
