I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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