you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
