So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
