So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize