what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
