Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
that's an acceptable place to lick
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
