I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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