I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
