1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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