apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
