This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
