my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
