I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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