Quick, to the slutcave!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize