PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She needs sedatives and a leash
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
