Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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