those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
