there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
