Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
