You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
