Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
