Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
