"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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