Buhtt sex?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize