Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Found your dick twin last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize