why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
