I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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