i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
These tits shall not be calmed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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