Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
