nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
