And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
