he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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