i barfeds in our rink
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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