Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
