...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
