Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
