I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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