i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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