yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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