worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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