I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
