I want to make a zoo with you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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