found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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