i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
