evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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