I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
