is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
