I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize