i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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