I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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