I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
