I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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