marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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