I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize